Chinese Chimp Quits Smoking Attractive, outgoing, 27-year-old widow, loves music, exercise, long walks and Chinese food, seeking alpha male with similar interests who is willing to relocate to my home. No smokers! If chimpanzees ran personal ads, that might be how the ad would read for a Chinese chimp named Ai Ai who just recently quit smoking. Zookeepers are trying to find a mate for Ai Ai to help her kick the habit. According to China's Xinhua news agency (as reported through Reuters Health), Ai Ai took up smoking shortly after her first mate died 16 years ago. Less than ten years later a second mate died, prompting her to begin chain smoking. Um…two questions: - What kind of zoo makes cigarettes available to its animals?
- What kind of zoo allows an animal to become a chain smoker?
And a follow up question: Lighter or matches? The Xinhua report didn't address any of these questions, as if a smoking chimp were the most ordinary thing in the world. Ai Ai actually lives in a safari park zoo, so maybe she was bumming cigarettes from tourists on safari. But all that is history now that her keepers have begun a concerted effort to separate her from her habit. They've given her headphones to listen to pop music on a Walkman. In addition to her usual meals of rice, bananas and milk she also gets dumplings and some fried foods. She takes a walk after breakfast and goes to the gym after dinner. So far they haven't tried the patch or nicotine gum, but it has to be very helpful to have round-the-clock handlers who take you for walks, bring you comfort food, search for a mate and stroke your brow when your eyeballs are doing pinwheels from nicotine withdrawal. You could make this stuff up but who would believe you? Sources:
"Chinese Chimp Quits Smoking After 16 Years" Reuters Health, 10/3/05, reutershealth.com | 
