Is your fast food functional? A slice of pizza made from a new type of pizza dough contains one gram of VitaSterols, a trademarked name for natural plant sterols. And according to beverage executive Ira Scott who developed Heart Healthy Road Pizza, this fast food will lower cholesterol. Well…it looks good on paper. Phytosterols are plant sterols that help block absorption of dietary cholesterol. And if you believe the absurdly oversimplified mainstream equation that cholesterol intake equals heart disease, then sure, this pizza has function. Here's how the FDA puts it: "Foods containing at least 0.65 grams per serving of plant sterol esters, eaten twice a day with meals for a daily total intake of at least 1.3 grams, as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol, may reduce the risk of heart disease." But according to one nutraceutical and functional food company executive (quoted by Fast Pitch Press), "Vegetable consumption in the United States is not ideal for maintaining healthy cholesterol levels." So…let me get this straight. Plant sterols block dietary cholesterol absorption, but we don't get enough of these sterols from vegetables, so we should eat functional pizza in order to up our sterol intake? Welcome to the brave new world of functional nutrition where pizza prevents heart disease! Extra topping choices include Lipitor, beta blockers, and ACE inhibitors - just $10 per topping. | 
